Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
