Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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