You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
