do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
