watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
