he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
