Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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