I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
