i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
