My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
