It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
