i wish starbucks made bloody marys
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
