Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
