You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My penis needs a shock collar
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
