I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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