you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
