i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
