I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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