I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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