You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The Olympian is in my bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
