so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
