so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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