Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
