Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
