watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
