I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
