Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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