i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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