I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
