I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
