I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
