4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
