Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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