I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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