Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
