You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
