my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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