i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
