dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
