If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
