Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
