Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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