he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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