Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
