how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
