Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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