; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
