Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I seem to have left my pride at pride
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
