I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
