Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
