Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
