i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
