I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
