I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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