Barsexuality is the new black.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
