Don't make out with my wife yet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
